Posted By Yousef’s Mom
For all of the Kuwaiti and maybe Arab Girls out there, Mom got something to say about the way the Kuwaiti 3aza has changed and how the 3 days that follows, where women gather in the grieving family’s house to offer condolences, is no longer about offering support and consolation!
Mom wrote this next part:
“It was no easy duty to go and condole a woman on her loss, It wasn’t easy for other relatives to see a member of their family suffer and go through those horrible days. It was a simple gathering where everything revolved around the family and their grief. it was simple yet very heavy, intense and somber experience. Therefor not everybody was allowed to go, only the eldest of the family would go and represent the rest and do the necessary (wajib). The place where the guest would be seated was never big or specially set up for the sad occasion. It was a small hall where the guests would stay QUIET for awhile, Read some Quran, Offer their support and condolences and then leave to make room for other guests. The atmosphere used to be filled with silence, Sadness and above all Respect for the grieving women and her family.
Fast-Forward to present day’s 3azas. Things have changed a lot since people had feelings and consideration. Nowadays Everybody goes to 3azas (not for the right reasons). Even little girls are brought to the 3azas. With their hair on their shoulders, Their little plated jewelry and their dazed eyes. The grownups haven’t spared us either, they attend wearing their topnotch abayas, filled with swarovski crystals and what not. Abayas suitable for weddings rather than 3azas!
Some even went as far as wearing makeup. The new type of makeup, the “Sad occasions” makeups. And we find the supposedly grieving family now setting the place up so that it can seat as many people as possible, going out of their way (and sadness) to make the people comfortable and make sure they “enjoy” their say. We find them renting chairs and filling up the place with as many chairs as possible, turning the place into a little cinema, a little show, a shameless masquerade.
The once feared and respected occasion has become just another place for gatherings. For relatives to see each others and pass their hellos. I often hear the salams and the sowalif (chitchats) now. oh and the salams are not passed with soft-voices either! And the nerve on some of the women… I personally heard a woman say to her friend one time “I’m so happy I ran into you on this wonderful occasion!” –> “monasaba sa3eeda o imbaareka iny shiftkom!”
fa hal hatha min mazaya taqadomna?
am min masawe2 ta2akhurna?”
I tried my best to capture Mom’s words and this is the best i could do. she was much more eloquent though. 😛